Peyton and Lucas Forever
by Asphodel Lives
Summary: A LEYTON. Well eventual. Peyton is lost, and needs help finding herself. Lucas helps. Please RR! Chapter 5 up, after the party...........
1. Chapter 1

'Stained'.

Author's Notes:

I fully intend on making this longer than my others. As said before, I have next to no knowledge on American stuff, so feel free to email corrections to me at Peyton loses herself, then needs help finding herself.

Rating: T being safe, for the cutting and stuff.

Pairing: Eventual Lucas/Peyton.

Spoilers: Probably not, but there may be a few minor. Minor for pilot.

She looked down at the white carpet, now stained with her blood. It had been stained. She was confused, it wasn't meant to be stained. It was meant to be white and pure and magical and everything that she was not. It had belonged to her mother. She looked down to where the red darkness was pouring down her sides to the carpet. It was all she had left. She couldn't let it be stained. That was all she thought as she continued to stare into the light. It was red, not white anymore. It was stained, not clean. Its comfort was gone. It meant that her mother was gone. But she couldn't be gone. She was here, in this carpet. Only she wasn't anymore, because the carpet was stained, so was she. Mother was stained as well, her pale flesh stained with blood. She's gone……………

With that Peyton screamed, slashing the cold, metallic silver knife across her wrists, watching the crimson slowly make it's way down to the carpet, staining her mother's presence as it had already done before. She had stained it, it was all her fault.

She cut again, feeling the pain of power, she was finally in control, or so it seemed. She looked to the pool of blood on the white carpet, and it was the last thing she saw before surrendering to the overwhelming darkness.

Years later, it seemed, she woke in a haze of light, squinting into the sparkling bubble. _Wait, Lucas? _She thought, but was disappointed to find him nowhere to be seen. It's not like he would be here, she thought. She had messed that up like she messed everything up, like she always did. She always managed to stain everything with her blood, forever leaving a trace of her pain. She was alone, and was forever to be alone. _No_, she thought, _Lucas is probably with the girlfriend of the week somewhere_, she concluded. With that, she walked into the bathroom, setting the shower to hot. She stepped in, allowing the warm water to soothe her muscles.

Forty – five minutes later, she walked out of her house, dressed to suit her mood: A black tank top and a short denim skirt. She rarely went to school anymore, there was nobody to force her to go. She spent most of her time in her room, listening to music and drawing, wrapped beneath a blanket sitting on the white carpet, which she had now stained. She stained it. But she had to graduate from High School, so she thought it was best to go in for a day. She didn't really care, it was just something to do. She doubted whether she would care about anything again. It hurt too much when people let you down, or something comes out wrong, leaving you disappointed. That had happened to her. A lot.

She walked into the building, ignoring the ignorant stares she received. She hadn't been in school in nearly two weeks. She walked into her homeroom class, grabbing a seat in the back corner, drawing in a little A6 sketchbook. She hardly noticed Lucas come and sit next to her.

'Hey Peyton.' He nervously started, wondering what the hell was wrong with her – he hadn't seen her in almost a month. He sighed as she continued sketching, not seeming to hear him. Sometimes, he wished he could just start over with the two of them, and then maybe they would be together. He thought of her. Often. But Brooke. He loved Brooke, he really did. Just not in the same way. He thought he was in love with her, only to realize when it was too late that he was head over heels for her best friend. She looked up, seeming to finally notice him with a quiet 'hey, Luke.'

He was quite unnerved at seeing her like this. He wasn't used to seeing her without her armored wall up, being hard and 'spunky'. Anyway, he was really quite shocked at the sight of her. Her face was pale, hazel eyes droopy, without the spark that he'd began to love. And she was thin. Too thin. That's what struck him the most.

He just sat in his seat and continued to stare as the bell rang, signaling the start of first period. He got up and left the room, not noticing a pair of empty hazel eyes following him. She turned, heading for the bathrooms. She needed to be alone, and didn't care if it meant skipping first period to do so. She didn't even know why she bothered coming to school. So she walked to the bathrooms, pale, sad and alone.

Lucas walked out of homeroom feeling relieved. Sure, she didn't look her normal self but she was here. And that meant something. He'd wanted to call her, but didn't want to intrude, after all, he wasn't a big part of her life anymore. He had tried over and over again to make that feel like a good thing. But then, he would just think back to that day in the library when he had looked up and stared at her across the room. Something had made him feel something for her then. What , he still didn't know. He had always felt a sense of longing for her though, he knew that straight away. She hadn't seemed like anyone. She seemed herself. She seemed to know herself, which is more than he could say for most teenagers. That made her special, he didn't know who he was, and needed help finding himself. He had wanted her to be that person. Why, he again didn't know. _But now she seems lost, like a little girl lost in a crowded playground, not knowing where mummy or daddy are. Maybe that has something to do with it_, he thought. He knew she had been in great pain over losing Ellie, as well as her own mother. Her father wasn't even around. _She needed them_, _she needs them_, he realized. She feels alone. Then, he knew what to do. _I have to make her realize that she isn't alone, that all of us, no matter how mad with each other, are family. And family is always there._

So there's chapter 1! Please let me know if I should continue!


	2. Helping

Chapter 2

Ok, here's chapter 2. Sorry it's taken so long, but I'm busy with school.

Peyton sat in her room later that day, fingering the small bag stuffed with white powder. She set it down on the bed, crawling down to the floor and sitting on the white carpet. It was still stained. She sat there for what seemed like forever and just stared at it. She just stared at what her life had become……stained. It used to be beautiful and white and pure…now it wasn't. With that, she took a puff from the whiteness wrapped in some yellow paper next to the bag. She loved doing this. When she did this, she felt something other than pain. It was the only time when she felt anything other than pain.

She was interrupted by a pounding on the door downstairs. She tried to shut it out, ignore it. But it wouldn't go away. It was pounding still. She walked over to her record player, picking up her The Ataris record, putting it on. She welcomed the distraction. After a few minutes, the pounding subsided.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Straight after school, Lucas had jumped into Keith's truck, driving it over to Peyton's. He was still scared for her. He hated to admit it, but he was also worried about himself. She had lost herself to the darkness, what if she tried to pull him down too? _No_, he decided. _I have to be there for her, like nobody has been_. He told himself that it was because she was a good friend….lying to himself. Truthfully, he didn't know why. They had become attached, for sure. Even through all the times when they were apart, they still had a bond, an unbreakable bond. _But what is the bond_? Lucas asked himself. _Is it love_?

He knocked on the door, afraid that she wouldn't answer, but also scared that she would. What then? After a couple of minutes, he heard the faint music of 'The Saddest Song', one of Peyton's favorite songs from the Ataris. He had always seen how she loved that song. The way her face looked when she listened to it…it was as if it was speaking to her, willing words of comfort. He knew why she liked that song. Her father hadn't been around, and the song's lyrics are about a father left, the two generations talking to each other. She imagines that it's her dad talking to her, he thought. He rang the doorbell one more time, not really surprised when there was no answer. He just walked back to the truck, dead set on talking to her tomorrow. Tonight, he just had to be by himself. To sort these feelings out, he couldn't even begin to help her without being at peace himself. _And I can't be at peace without knowing what these feelings are_, he thought.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Peyton was relieved when the pounding subsided. She really didn't feel like dealing with someone talking about some little problem that they had, asking her for answers. She laughed. _Why do people come to me to talk?_ She thought, _I'm the most messed up person out of all of them, yet they can't even seem to see it_. She listened to the lyrics of the song playing – it was 'the saddest song.' Man, she loved this song. Its words echoed sweet remembrance, willing her to think of her father. Her father who left and lied to her, time and time again. But she still loved him. _How do you figure that? The man left me, lied to me and I still call him my father? _She sighed, not really wanting to deal with that right now. She just wanted to forget. That was her last thought as she took another puff, sending her mind into a serene mode where all she could think about was nothing. _I want to forget._

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………

The next day, Peyton didn't bother to go to school, knowing that there was no real point. The only reason why she went before was to see him, his sandy blond hair sticking up everywhere, hazel eyes piercing her soul. But he was with Brooke now. _It's better for him now_, she thought. _He deserves to be with someone who can love him back, who can make him feel complete_. _Not like me_. She just sat there all day, blissful when it started to rain, tiny droplets of water forming on her cheeks. She had always loved the rain. She went over to her CD collection, picking out a song she thought was appropriate for today. It was 'Why does it always rain on me?' by Travis. She put it in, enjoying the calm peacefulness, tranquility about to be interrupted.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

Lucas had been worried sick when she didn't show up for school that day, thinking that, pardon the cliché, she was lying in a ditch dead somewhere. He knew that if she missed much more school, they would kick her out. So he went to the main office, politely explaining Peyton's absence over the past few months. Well, he obviously didn't tell the truth. He just said that she had had a family emergency, and had had no time to let the school know. _Which is half – true_, he thought, ridding is conscience of torment. He got into his car, trying to avoid Brooke as he walked out. Which was unsuccessful.

'Hey, boyfriend,' Greeted the perky brunette, pleased at seeing him at last. She didn't know where he had been lately. She missed everyone, Lucas was always avoiding her for some inane reason, and Peyton was nowhere to be found. She missed them.

'Hey yourself,' he replied, giving her a quick kiss. A kiss which had absolutely no fire in it, Brooke thought.

'Hey so you want to get together tonight?' She asked, knowing that he would say no, but wanting to try and get her boyfriend back.

He replied with a quick 'sorry, can't, gotta help mum,' before practically bolting out of the car park and running down the pathway. It was when he was about five minutes away that he realized he left the truck there.

'Shit!' He cursed, not wanting to go back and face Brooke. So he just kept walking, thinking of how to approach Peyton when he got to her house. He just settled for friendly, not wanting to overwhelm her with seeming too concerned. _I just have to make her realize that she has someone here for her_, he realized. So, he walked up the front steps, ringing the doorbell.

………………………………………………………………………………………….

Peyton had had a better day, just lying around, not really thinking too much. She had realized that thinking just made her feel worse, when just lying around made her feel free. She felt free right now, like she was floating above the world, watching everyone she loved pass her by, standing a silent salute to her. She shivered, feeling cold after her most recent puffs from the roll of white powder. Just when she was about to lose herself to the darkness she loved so munch, a shrill ringing sound met her ears. She just rolled over wanting it to go away. It didn't. She was feeling a mixture of anger and surprise. Anger at the person who kept her out of the dark, and surprise that someone actually seemed to be making an effort to see her. She walked to the sunlight window, looking out to see who was there. _Lucas? What's he doing here_? She thought, overwhelmed with surprise, yet still reeling from her drug of choice. She reluctantly walked up to the door, opening it slightly, peering out. Lucas turned, face set to concerned, asking to come in.

She held the door open for him, allowing him access to her world. He followed her in, looking around the mess of a house. She hadn't done any cleaning for at least a month. She walked up the stairs, expecting him to follow her, surprised when he walked into the kitchen instead.

………………………………………………………………………………………….

There was one thing that Lucas noticed more than anything when she opened the door. It wasn't her empty, gaunt eyes or the tears that stained her face. It was her body. She was thin, too thin. She had already been a needle before, but now she was skinny, about half the size that she used to be.

So when she invited him in, making her was upstairs, he headed for the kitchen, intent on making her eat something. He looked around, noticing the mess, and the smell. The house literally looked like a tornado had hit it, smelling of month old dirty clothes. He opened the refrigerator, looking for something edible. All he found was some chocolate and some moldy cheese. The freezer was empty. He picked up the phone, dialing the number for a pizza place. He remembered her telling him once that she loved pizza. He ordered two mediums with everything on them. He thought that some remembrance of the food would help. Her father used to make them for her.

He noticed then that she was standing in the doorway. She wasn't looking at him, though. She didn't appear to be looking at anything, just staring set ahead, seeming lost and alone. He felt an overwhelming desire just to take her into his arms and tell her that everything would be ok. But he couldn't promise that, and even if he could, now was not the time. He just needed her to eat something.

So he forced her to sit on the couch, drinking a glass of tap water. He paid for the pizza when the ding – dong sounded, walking with the two brown boxes into the living room, where she was still sitting, just staring into space. _It doesn't even seem like she's there_, Lucas thought. He then looked deep into her eyes, setting down the pizza onto a coffee table. Her eyes were red, and not focusing.

Shit! He thought. The reason why she isn't responding is because she's high. With that, he quickly picked her up, her not moving a muscle, laying her down on the backseat of his car. He got into the drivers seat and pushed down hard on the accelerator, knowing it was not good that she was looking so pale, and her eyes unresponsive. He drove to the emergency room at such a fast pace he was surprised that they even made it unscathed. He picked her up, slammed the door and rushed up the steps to the ER, with her shivering in his arms. He ran over to the desk, shouting for help.

Two doctors in lab coats came rushing over, a gurney in between them. When they arrived, Lucas gently laid her down to rest on the table. Her eyes were closed, she was pale, shivering, sweating, her eyes clouded with mist. Foam was forming at the corner of her mouth.

Lucas listened to the doctors' shouting for various pieces of medical equipment in a serene state of mind, all he could think was_: Peyton…..drugs….Peyton…..dying_? He needed answers, rushing into the trauma room. He was immediately pushed out by a nurse, shouting for Peyton all the way.

Lucas couldn't believe this. Peyton could die. He started to shake uncontrollably, not crying, but shaking. Why aren't I crying? He thought. It was silly, he knew, but all he could feel was guilty because he wasn't crying. But he was in such pain_. God, Peyton please stop me from feeling this pain_, he thought. He knew he was being selfish, but he couldn't think of anything else. He needed her to be here, she wasn't, and he was in pain. The last thing he saw was the busy bustle of the ER before he fell into a deep, restless slumber.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

Peyton felt like she was floating in a white bubble, high above the world. Her soul was calm, her heart happy. She looked down and saw everyone she loved safe, warm and loved. She was happy once again. But she heard the cries for her. Cries from a masculine, sharp voice that she knew well, a voice that she savored. _Lucas? What's happening to him? _She wanted to shout for answers, but she couldn't speak, her mouth was moving, no words coming out. She sensed sudden pain, and then felt it all over her body as she left the light, white place and opened her eyes to find a bright light right in her eyes, blinding her.

'She's waking,' she heard an unfamiliar female voice shout. She tried to place the voice. It was warm, kind, and somewhat comforting, like her mother's used to be.

'Get the mask off,' Peyton heard another voice say, different this time, more gruff, more masculine and strong. The light was removed from her eyes as the doctor moved the torch away, preparing to take the mask from the ventilator off her face. She tried to see, tried to focus the images. She saw a woman in a ….blue, yes blue dress it seemed like standing to the right of her bed. Numerous black – shaped objects emitting beeping noises where scattered around the white room, and a man wearing a white, long coat with glasses and a stethoscope around his neck was standing to her left. She was confused, not remembering ever going into hospital. _What the hell? _She the thought, confused at the unfamiliar images.

But all of a sudden, the lady, or nurse, Peyton suspected, mentioned something about waking up the boy that came in with her. Peyton was shocked to hear this. _Somebody came with me? Someone cared enough to come?_ She wanted to ask who the boy was or what he looked like, but found that, as in her dream, she couldn't speak. The doctor reassured her that it was normal, handing her a pad of paper and a ball – point pen.

_Who was the boy who came in? What does he look like?_

The nurse chuckled at her curiosity, yet seemed concerned that she didn't remember coming in. She said softly;

'Um, he has blonde hair, tall, hazel eyes, athletic looking.' She said unsurely. The boy had fallen asleep out in the waiting room about ten minutes after they brought her in. She had seen this often. Although it was obvious that he loved this girl, wanting to know how she was, he was so numb with emotional pain and exhausted that he didn't know what to think, and slipped into peaceful oblivion.

'_Lucas?' _Peyton thought, surprised. Why wasn't he out chasing Brooke instead of being her with me?

'He fell asleep about fifteen minutes after he brought you in. It was….moving, how he was shouting for you, not wanting to leave you. He was exhausted, though it was obvious that you're boyfriend loves you very much,' the nurse said, feeling the need to comfort this young girl.

Peyton was shocked once again…..she had no idea that he even cared, that anyone cared. _I have to tell him……._ Was her last thought before she fell into the darkness that wasn't so peaceful anymore.

So what you think? Please R+R!


	3. Leaving

Chapter 3

Sorry it took so long. I tried to make this a little more positive. The romance starts here. I've started to include the other characters more, and plan on putting some NALEY and whatever Keith/Karen is in.

Please read and review. I wanted to say thanks to those who reviewed, you really made my day! And I have been made aware of an error in chapter 1 – when Lucas leaves a car at the school, it's the red truck, but when he carries Peyton out to a car, it's his black jeep thing.

Peyton swung her legs over the edge of the uncomfortable hospital bed, glad to finally be leaving. She had been in the hospital a week, in which she had been forced to speak to half a dozen psychiatrists and doctors. She was just glad to be able to finally get back to her peaceful room, sleep in her own bed, and be able to sit in front of her computer and just draw to her heart's content. She sat up quickly, scanning the room for her ride. Lucas had been there a lot the past week, wanting her to have someone there. Haley and Nathan had also come by. Brooke had expressed concern before stating that she couldn't possibly visit the best friend who had hurt her so much.

She smiled as she thought of Lucas. She thought he would be off with the wind, chasing Brooke at every second. But he hadn't. He had stuck by her, making her laugh and just being there. She sighed. She knew that this was dangerous, that she was quickly growing feelings for her ex – boyfriend. But she also knew that they had always been there, at the bottom of her heart, just waiting for a sweet release. She kept running their first kiss over and over again in her mind, the soft feel of his luscious lips against hers, a toned body pressed up against. She shivered just thinking about it, feeling a crimson blemish appear at the cheeks. It was hot, to say the least.

But that was about two years ago. Things aren't the same now. He'd finally gotten Brooke to trust him again, and they were seeing each other. _But then why was he here?_ She thought. Ever since he had first walked into her hospital room, she had known. She suddenly saw how full her life was, that she didn't have to put up her walls because so many people had already broken them down. And stayed. _I guess everyone dosen't leave………_

Lucas walked up the white steps to the hospital, a bouqet of white roses in his hands. She had told him once, so long ago, that she loved white roses. She had told him that she loved how pure and innocent they were as white, something that she had long since lost. He was happy. He and Brooke had decided to call it quits. They weren't right for each other, he saw that now. But before, he had been too clouded with hurt and sadness to even consider that he didn't love her. She had come to him a few days ago, telling him of plans to leave Tree Hill for New York. She had seen this coming, knowing that Lucas didn't love her as she loved him. So she had expressed a silver goodbye, packing and leaving his life forever.

Lucas was sad that he would probably never see her again, of course he was. But he was focused on helping Peyton. He couldn't let a little pain cloud his ability to help her. Or else, she would get lost again.

He took the elevator up to her floor, stalling slightly at the foot of her door. He knocked on the white wood, quite chipper at the thought of finally seeing her as Peyton, and not just some girl in a hospital gown who he happened to have strong feelings for. He had brought her some clothes yesterday.

He heard a mumbled 'come in!' as he twisted the door knob. He just stood there in the doorway for a few minutes, basking in the sight of her. He had said it once before, and he would say it again. She was like an angel. His angel. Blonde curls were sprayed about her face, sticking to ruby lips. Her eyes were a vibrant hazel, complimented by her maroon leather jacket. She was wearing a MXMX band tee.

'Peyton. You look good,' he greeted, unsure about how to approach her. _After all, she had just tried to kill herself_, he thought wryly. But somehow, he knew. He knew that he couldn't possibly understand her right now, that he couldn't empathise. But he did know that she felt alone. He could see the pain radiating from that in her eyes. It was always there, a raging fire that was never put out. Lucas knew that he had to put out the fire, and show her that he was loved. Not just by him, but by a multitude of people. She had strong friends' in Nathan and Haley, a connection with him, and hell, even his mother felt a strong parental connection to her. He just had to show her.

'So, you ready to go?' A familiar voice echoed it's way into his mind, putting his thoughts on hold.

'Um, yeah, just let me grab your bags for you,' he replied, looking at her. He found himself doing that more and more often nowadays, looking into her, trying to ease the pain.

She shuffled her feet under the intensity of his gaze, not wanting to break the connection. She looked deep into his eyes, not quite sure what she was seeing. She saw quite clearly concern, then there was something else, something pure and radiant. She reluctantly broke the gaze, feeling a bit overwhelmed.

'Let's go then,' she said, wanting to escape the heat of the small room. She walked out the room, letting him follow. They made their way down to the car, Peyton getting in the passenger seat. Lucas looked up from where he was texting Haley, and got into the drivers' seat, nonchalant.

He couldn't say anything, but Haley was at Peyton's house right now with Nathan, Karen, Keith, and even Deb and Whitey. He had called them a few days ago, to arrange a party of sorts to show Peyton what a big group of supporters' she had. He had kept it to family and friends' though, not wanting to overwhelm her.

Twenty minutes later, they arrived at the house. They got out, Lucas leading Peyton up to the doorway. He opened the door to a loud: 'SURPRISE!'

He looked around, pleased. Nathan and Haley were there, as well as Keith, Karen, Deb and Whitey. Even Mouth and Skills had stopped in. He looked over at Peyton, noticing the small tear that ha escaped her eye. She looked happy, though. That made this all worth it.

Peyton looked around in awe. So many people were here. She didn't even know that this many people cared for her. She felt her eyes well up at the gesture. Lucas had been so kind. He did this all for her…..with that, she felt her heart swell with love. She looked round the room. Streamers and balloons were everywhere, with a stack of pizzas, sodas and a massive chocolate cake on the dining room table. But what struck her most was the banner hung up in the living room. It read:

Welcome home Peyton. We missed and love you!

She wiped a tear from her eye, walking into the room. She moved forward as Haley pounced on her, hugging her hard. Nathan came and joined the hug, catching Lucas in the eye as he held her tight. He knew how Lucas felt about Peyton, and could see it here, that she loved him too.

Next, Karen and Keith moved forward, each giving Peyton a quick hug. Whitey came and gave her a firm handshake, whispering in her ear:

'Hope you make sure that boy of yours gets plenty of time in the weight room!' With a wink, he went over to the sodas. Peyton left the laughing group then, over to where Lucas stood just outside of the door. She looked up at him with her soulful eyes, dark with love. He looked down at her, completely transfixed, staring down.

Then like electricity, their lips met in a slow, yet passionate kiss. It wasn't like the heavy kisses they had shared before. This one felt light, pure and real. They could feel the emotion surging through them like a lightning bolt, and as Peyton reluctantly opened a gap between them, he sighed. He had wanted to do that for so long, to feel what she felt, see what she saw. And it seemed like he had. He felt how repressed she felt, like she was trapped in a tiny, dark room alone. He felt love there, like a surge of heaven had hit him in the face. And then just like that, it was over. Lucas did know one thing. He knew that forever, he would remember that one moment. The one moment in his life when everything felt right, like the world was bathed in light, and he was right on the equator. It was one of those pure moments when an individual being achieves, however short lived, true love. And he had found that true love with Peyton Sawyer.

Ok, let me know what you think! Next chapter will be up soon.


	4. Aftermath

**Author's Notes:** Hi! Thanks for the reviews! I'm sorry it took so long to continue with this, but I've been really busy. I have a full time job in the summer holidays…..i need the money! Anyway, here it is. I'm going to try to put some more fluffy Peyton/Lucas here because they rock together! But Peyton is going to get a visitor…..not this chapter though, so I'll leave it up to you who you think it's going to be. Put it in your reviews', and we'll see if you're on the same wavelength as me! People who guess right will win my liking! Just kidding…..

**Disclaimer**: The lyrics are from Anastacia's 'Heavy on my Heart'. Lyrics are in _Italic._ I wasn't sure if the lyrics fit with the story here, but they accurately show Peyton's feeling's, so that's why I used this song.

* * *

**Chapter 4**

_I try to fly away but it's impossible  
And every breath I take gives birth to deeper sighs  
And for a moment I am weak  
So it's hard for me to speak  
Even though we're underneath the same blue sky_

After finally breaking apart, Peyton and Lucas headed back inside to where all their friends and family were gathered. Peyton looked amidst the chatter and laughter, still shocked that all these people cared about her. She had never had this feeling before, that despite whatever she did, she would still have people there for her. She was happy, for the first time in her life, it seemed.

_If I could paint a picture of this melody  
It would be a violin without its strings  
And the canvas in my mind  
Sings the songs I left behind  
Like pretty flowers and a sunset_

She looked over to Nathan and Haley, laughing amongst themselves. She wanted that, she really did. Watching them giggling and whispering sweet nothings to each other was almost too much to bear. _But then_, she thought, _I have Lucas_? But did she? After the toe – curling kiss, she had thought so. But he was still with Brooke? And didn't she still have some feelings for Jake?

_It's heavy on my heart  
I can't make it alone  
Heavy on my heart  
I can't find my way home  
Heavy on my heart  
So come and free me  
It's so heavy on my heart_

But she didn't want to think about this now. All she wanted to think about was getting better…..because despite the happiness that suddenly overflowed her soul, she still felt like there was something missing. More like someone, she thought in trance. Dad. He was still off on the ocean, completely ignoring his only daughter. He hadn't even responded to her emails. That worried her. Despite any misgivings before, he had always answered her emails. She looked worriedly over to Lucas, hoping for sweet relief in his hazel eyes.

_I've had my share of pleasure  
And I've tasted pain  
I never thought that I would touch an angel's wings  
There's a journey in my eyes  
It's getting hard for me to hide  
Like the ocean at the sunrise._

Lucas had watched her expression as they walked slowly back into the room, standing still just inside of the doorway. She seemed almost afraid to go inside, as if the people inside might jump and bite her, or something. What is she thinking about? He thought. He couldn't get his mind off the kiss. What he had felt there, he had never felt with anyone before. Even Brooke. He had felt as if he was split into two sides: One side of him couldn't keep touching her, was on fire if she wasn't near. But the other side was just so content, completely relaxed in peaceful harmony that he just wanted to stand there forever, watching the way her golden curls bounced off her shoulders.

_It's heavy on my heart  
I can't make it alone  
Heavy on my heart  
I can't find my way home  
Heavy on my heart  
So come and free me  
It's so heavy on my heart_

He caught her eyes for a second, she seemed fragile. The rest of the party hadn't yet noticed their arrival, so he just continued to stare into her eyes, hoping for some sort of clue as to what was wrong. She looked frantic now, worried. He could see the lines of concern etched across her pale skin. He just wanted to reach out to her, to tell her that everything would be ok, that whatever demon was chasing her, he could fight it off for her. But he couldn't. He knew that she had to fight her own battles, relishing in the peace of overwhelming greatness.

_Love, can you find me in the darkness, and love,  
Don't let me down  
There's a journey in my eyes  
It's getting hard for my to hide  
And I never thought I'd touch an angel's wings_

He whispered word of comfort to her then, asking if she wanted to talk everything through after the party. She didn't want to. She wanted to bury her feelings inside a black coffin, sealing it tight. But she knew she couldn't. Otherwise they would spill over into her conscious, spoiling her life. So she reluctantly nodded her head, hoping he would take it slow. That done, she walked in to join the party. Grabbing a coke, she went to talk to Karen and Keith. Lucas never left her side.

* * *

Ok, next chapter is the talk! And then there might be a rating change too…..we'll see. Please press the shiny lavender button! 


	5. Evrybody's waiting

God, sorry this took so long! But I was in New York City for the summer, which rocks by the way, and had no computer access. So, here it is! And please remember to press the tiny purple button! But I am going to leave the story with this chapter. Honestly, I have too much on my plate right now. School starts in a week, and going into A-Levels, there's going to be a hell – load of work to do! I hope you enjoyed the story, though. P.S. At the end, Peyton does NOT kill herself.

This is going to be a short last chapter. Sorry for that, but I really am busy preparing for school and all that stuff.

**Chapter 5**

The party was a success, according to most people. Lucas had never left Peyton alone, which finally began to soothe her coffin. Earlier in the night, she had bean to feel claustrophobic in her feelings for him. It was as if they were all that existed in her heart, and for a split second, she didn't want them there. It wasn't that she didn't love Lucas, because she did. It was just that she had never really been in a serious relationship before. With Nathan, it was sex, pure and simple. With Jake, there had been real feelings involved, but as Peyton realized now, nothing big. It was more like he was a brother to her. So she was a little afraid.

But when Lucas had not left her, she felt so comfortable, she knew that he meant it, and wanted to be with her. So she had once again albeit reluctantly, agreed to talk with him the next weekend.

Lucas knew that he had to take it slow. After all, she did just get out of the hospital. But he was just so anxious, he really loved her and wanted to be with her more than anything, but knew that she wasn't all ready. He needed to give her time.

So later than night, the two had disappeared to the bedroom. Lucas had seen her eyes, how the great grey clouds underneath them increased with every half hour. So finally, at about eleven PM, he ended the party. He and Payton had gone upstairs, and into her bedroom.

'Lucas, please could you stay tonight?' Peyton asked him, not wanting to be alone. She hadn't been alone since the incident, and was scared. Scared of herself. She went and got into bed.

'Sure, of course', he stated, not really knowing why she felt the need to ask. So he moved down the covers, gently lying on the bed next to her. He turned the light off, facing her. He was so content here, just watching the way the moonlight hit her golden curls, forming shadows on her face. He looked at the different shapes of the shadows, completely transfixed. He didn't even notice when Peyton fell fast asleep.

Peyton watched him looking at her for a few minutes. She didn't really know what he was looking at, and didn't care. He was here, that's all that mattered. She closed her eyes, looking for the empty space which usually occupied her dreams. But, for once, it was no where to be found. The empty space inside her had been filled, she was no longer apart_. I love him……………_was all she thought as she fell asleep, in her lovers' arms.

**Two Years Later**

'Peyton, honey, did you take your vitamins this morning?' Lucas Scott asked his expecting wife.

'Yes, of course I did!' She replied, staring at her husband. She did this every morning, just looking at him. She knew that they were young, sophomores in college, but they were in love.

They had been married straight out of high school, in a little, white church. The same church where Peyton's parents had married. Peyton remembered that day, how strange it felt to walk the same aisle as her mother. She had walked into the light, not looking back at the darkness which she used to find so comforting.

A month later, they had opened the acceptation letters simultaneously from the University of North Carolina, where they had both been for the past year and a half.

A year and a half later, she had come to him after class, wariness plagued in her brown eyes. She was late, two weeks past her monthly charge. They had walked into a white hospital, looking at bare walls as they strolled along to the gynaecologist who informed them that they were soon to be joined by a third Sawyer - Scott. It was then that Peyton officially knew. She knew that she had to let go of the past, to live her future to the full and eventually, when she was ready, commit herself to the cross and the purity and the light. When she died then, she would be happy.

So please review! Tell me what you think.


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